Examine Your Life

That’s okay, I have seen enough.

Some of you are thinking, “…lucky, to live the life you have lived.”

But, I will say, “Walk a mile…”

Some of you are saying, “Look at your life!”

But, I will say, “I have!”

Some of you are feeling, “poor soul!”

But, I will say, “rich spirit!”

I have had great love, and material, and I have also lost that love and lost everything.

I have been beautiful, and hideous.

I have been the sovereign, and I have been the slave.

I have held on, and let go.

I have been true, and I have been a lie.

There is no rest in the sea of consciousness.  Forced, like we are forced, in the open, to ride the crest of nature’s tides while they crash rocky shores.  I have crashed on these shores.

You see the scar there?

To want to be held safe and fixed, like a baby is held by a mother.  And powerfully wrenched myself away from those bonds when they choked me.   Wanted to see life flourish untainted, yet delight when decay sets in, as it does.

It always does.

There are great walls, and I climbed them, as a sticky vine crawls.  And I fell from them; hard, like southern rain.  It is growing so thick and cloudy; I can no longer breathe as I used to–but the door is open, like he said it was.

It never mattered how I chose to live my life, whatever amount of pleasure exists there is an equal amount of pain; they cannot exist without each other.   It didn’t matter if I was a hero, or if, I were a villain; I was dancing and laughing, as I was sobbing and aching.  I could change my life at any moment, be whatever I wanted in this flesh, but in my dreams I got glimpses of something grander.

So, does this mean that I think I am getting really close to the answer?  What sort of vessel would I be if I followed the rotund course, without awareness, devoid of introspection?

I think if I never asked the question, I should be dead a long time ago.

If I am not careful, this vexed journey could last a lifetime.


~ by Joy Suzanne Grazer on May 14, 2010.

3 Responses to “Examine Your Life”

  1. Life Examined! Excellent Proposition!

  2. it looks like you have upset a few people with your writing, but that is just the time when you know you must be doing the right thing. sometimes people think everything we do is about “Them”

  3. Not many people can put themselves out there. I like how you write from your heart. I saw a post a while back that I thought was kinda nasty, but when it takes fearlessness to write your own truth. Good for you!

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